The Check List
As the last of my close guy friends who is single, I endure comments like, “When are you going to settle down?” or “One day, you’ll find the right person.” But those same people also share this sentiment without their partner in earshot, “Stay single, as long as you can.” I even have a few people who ask me about my dating life with a sense of wonder and envy, and get excited when they hear news of a change in my dating life. This often puts me in a mental tug of war between wanting to get married and staying single for a few more relationships.
Let’s face it, dating can be complicated and exciting, especially the older you get. Being a single guy in my 30’s has brought less drama to my dating life because of a better dating avoidance radar, but anytime I get into a relationship, however long it lasts, I always find myself going through a series of questions and checklists about the girl I am interested in. I thought I would share a few and the reasons why I think they are important.
When I think of checklists, I use to think it was stupid to have what I felt was a shifting arbitrary list of physical and character traits. I mean, you can’t always know why you love someone, right?
Turns out, you can.
And this is why it is important for each of us still in the hunt, I mean, dating world, to have a clear objective in what we are looking for in a potential mate. I find that we all have different needs and wants when it comes to a partner, so I submit my list as my own personal checklist and not as definitive list for everyone.
- A sense of humor.
Life is filled with ups and downs. Having a partner that can find the funny in any situation, or not take themselves too seriously, is a gift to the soul. Research shows that having a laugh is good for your health, so by dating someone that makes you laugh, you are literally making your life better. What makes someone funny, and the type of humor you like is subjective, but it is easy to spot someone that brings a smile to your face. Personally the more laughter I hear, the more I like the girl. It’s weird but a giggle releases endorphins and other chemical goodies that can make a person not as physically attractive, seem like a catch. The caveat to this checklist item is to avoid sarcasm. Well timed sarcasm is brilliant and a gut buster. But too much and a relationship can go sour. The reason is that sarcasm has a natural negative tone to it. Too much sarcasm and someone who is hilarious one moment can be a downer in no time.
“But I’m not funny” you to say to yourself. Well, you can become funny. Start by smiling more. Yes, just smile. At first you are going to feel like you are faking it sometimes. Guess what, you probably are, but that’s ok, do you think comedians always feel funny? But by changing the way your mouth looks when people look at you, you will give them the impression that you might be funny, and funny is money. You can also start reading funny books, online joke sites, and watching funny comedians on YouTube. You don’t have to memorize or imitate someone else, but by exposing yourself to things that make you laugh, you will find your funny bone and potential mates will take notice.
- 2. Physically Attractive
Well I couldn’t put it as number one on the checklist because then I wouldn’t appear as a sensitive, open-minded, enlightened man. But let’s not lie to ourselves and say it’s not important, because we all now it is. There are a few people who pride themselves on not caring about how someone looks when looking for a mate, but for the vast majority of us, we need some physical chemistry.
The wonderful thing that I realized as I got older is that I find many types of people physically attractive. I have allowed myself to move away from specific features like hair color, eye color, height, and setting a standard that a girl have light eyes, dark hair, tan skin in order for me want to date them. The moment I began to look for attractive physical qualities in women, I began to care less what it was specifically and was able to appreciate all types of beauty. For instance, instead of looking for only blue eyed girls, I began to notice that most girls had something very feminine and striking in the way their eyes looked to me. This goes true for most physical features, including but not limited to, breast size, skin tone, body shape, hair color etc.
When it comes to body shape, this can be sensitive. Most women are not comfortable with their bodies, and many men know and exploit it to their advantage. Businesses know this and sell us useless products by tapping into our subconscious fears about the way we look. Men are not immune from this tactic. Just think about how many times a day you hear about Rogaine, Hair Club for men, or maybe I’m the only who hears them, since I feel like my hair has gotten thinner the last few years. You can’t see my scalp back there can you?
But not acknowledging that most of us are not as attracted to an overweight person, as to an in-shape person is just plain stupid. What you might find as in-shape might vary wildly, but we are generally attracted to people who are not overweight.
This is harsh I know, but true. But both men and women are excited when we see someone who is in shape because we subconsciously know that this person is more likely to be healthy as opposed to someone who is 20lbs overweight. As an active person who skis, hikes, rides horses, and plays sports, I am looking for someone who will be able to do some of the things I like to do with me. She doesn’t need to be a fitness model, but having a body that allows her to keep up with my active lifestyle is important to me and most men find this to be more important than what size dress a woman wears. Skinny legs, or curvy hips, it’s all good to me, but part of being healthy is maintaining the proper weight for your body type, and being healthy is sexy.
As far as what someone’s face looks like, I could go into the golden ratio and what we find attractive genetically, but that is way too complicated for this article. What I will say is that I am not attracted to just one type of face and chances are neither are you. But finding someone who you enjoy staring into their eyes for hours on end is important. Chances are, that if you follow my advice about smiling more, people will find your face more attractive regardless of color eyes you have, or that one ear is higher than the other. If you still find yourself feeling ugly and there is nothing you can do about it, become funny. Have you seen how many funny ugly guys have beautiful women by their sides? Plus if you can laugh at yourself people and make others laugh, most will be drawn to you because you make them feel good. And that is why having a sense of humor was number one.
Check in again soon for more on a typical guy’s checklist and feel free to leave a comment here to tell me I’m an idiot if you like. I think that you might be surprised what’s on the rest of my list but tell us some of the traits on your checklists if you like; I think it could be fun to hear all the different opinions. We’ll talk again soon.
