Unexpected Lessons From a Year Without Sex
TrèsSugar: Why do you think the sex you were having disappointed you?
Hephzibah Anderson: It was unsatisfying because these guys weren’t looking for what I was looking for. They weren’t looking for any serious relationship, which meant that they were withholding on an emotional level. And I didn’t feel secure enough to let on what I needed and I didn’t feel confident enough to say that there needed to be an emotional component. I felt that the kind of sex I should be having was sex without intimacy and that’s what seemed to be the hip, young liberated choice.
TS: Did men treat you differently because you withheld sex?
To find out the answer, read more.HA: I was really wary about using the word “withholding” because that wasn’t what the journey was about. I didn’t want to find myself being courted and wooed and romanced just because I had taken sex off the table — but that was indeed what happened! That was . . . interesting. It probably is healthy to be suspicious of a guy who wants to hop right in bed with you. You have to conclude they maybe figure they have somewhere else to be in the long term, so they don’t have much time to spend on you. Or they don’t think that you’re going to find them interesting enough.
I found this article this morning and was wowed that finally someone said it from even a liberal perspective. Lets face it ladies, we are different from men and it is a beautiful thing. I feel like so many women got a little miss lead by the media with shows like Sex in the City. The truth is, most women need to feel loved in a relationship for sex to be satisfying. Without it, sex might feel good physically but leaves a woman feeling a little dirty.
Another thing ladies, why would you give the gift of your body to a man who does not even take the time to get to know you and love you? The truth is, men want to find a lady who expects him to put forth effort. Only then can he feel like he is with a woman who has true respect for herself. I hear it all the time from guys. “Dawn, truthfully, we want them to tell us no.”
I grew up with lots of sisters and one brother but I also came from a huge extended family and had lots of boy cousins. Men actually respect a woman who won’t just jump in bed with them. We may have come to believe that becoming this liberated sexual woman meant that we can have sex just like a guy. The real truth is, a liberated sexual woman knows her own boundaries and knows just what sex means to her.
While I understand that it sometimes seems unrealistic to wait till marriage to have sex, the truth is, Sex at it’s glory is when it is shared between two people in the name of love and marriage.
