Dump Him!!
a wandering eye
I have been with my boyfriend for four years, and though I love him with my whole heart, I have a problem: He signs up and browses online dating sites. I recently found out he signed up for a guest membership to a popular cheating website. When I confronted him, he said he wasn’t doing anything wrong because he was just curious and didn’t plan on actually meeting/chatting with anyone on the site. This, of course, led to a huge fight with him asking me why I didn’t trust him. I get upset because he never opens up with me emotionally or sexually. I tell him that it makes me feel belittled, disrespected and feel that he really isn’t happy with me. When I asked him what he would think if I signed up for a site like that, his response was he wouldn’t care because he trusts me. He tells me he loves me, will never cheat on me, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I have told him that this bothers me, and he says he understands and admits he shouldn’t have done it but continues to sign up and visit these websites. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I will never be OK with him doing this. If I am not OK with it now, I will never accept it if he becomes my husband.
Danielle, WI
As great as the internet has been for single people, it’s also strained some relationships. Personally, I have no problem with the monogamous wandering eye syndrome (checking others out, voyeuristic tendencies, internet peeping, etc.), as long as all parties are honest and in agreement. It doesn’t sound like you’re both on the same page and on board with this. Although the threat of broken trust looms, I think this is more about respect. Just because someone looks at porn, Craigslist or checks out the cute waitress doesn’t automatically make a person untrustworthy. But you’ve expressed your feelings as to how this makes you feel, and he disregards your experience. To me, that’s not respectful to your partner. Admitting he was wrong and continuing to do it is a metaphoric slap in the face.
There are a lot of things you can do. You can learn to tolerate this, join him and participate in viewing these sites as a couple, or put your foot down and say this is unacceptable. Personally, I’d be interested in asking him “why,” rather than saying “don’t.” I’d want more information as to what he’s getting out of this. It must be pretty important to risk the relationship. Is he looking for something else? Not feeling sexually fulfilled? Just enjoys the thrill of internet dating chat? Whatever you choose, make sure it’s consistent with what works best for you and your comfort level. There are plenty of guys out there that don’t need to cruise dating sites while in a relationship. And there are plenty of girls who would be accepting of a guy who does.
So here is a response from a Dr Chaves. I think it is insane, this girl needs to dump this dude! Personally I would rather be alone than put up with that kind of BS. Plus there are so many fish in the sea, I personally think she needs to take a vacation and I mean a long one from this man and see if something better does not come along!
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What a load of junk! CHEATER!!! Major red flag!!
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